Friday, February 27

The Valleys
A lot of people think that the South Wales Valleys are a bit crap - full of ex-miners, choirs and heroin addicts. And maybe it is, but I love the Valleys and I'm proud to say that I come from such an amazing place with dramatic scenery, friendly people and a true sense of community.

And today, with the sun shining and the mountains covered in snow, it really is so, so beautiful. It makes me want to pin a daffodil to my jumper and sing Max Boyce songs all day long.

Hwyl fawr!
It's nearly the weekend. Yay!

If you're stuck for things to do, here are my suggestions.

  • Watch Big Fish. It's lovely, it has daffodils in it, and it will make you cry more than onions
  • Build a snowman, and put a carrot where his willy would be
  • Kiss your husband/wife/partner/friend/dog/bunny/donkey on the nose
  • Bake a carrot cake - yummy, and has vegetables in it, so is officially a 'health food'
  • Drink some real ale with a funny name like Turnipfoot or Badgerbungle
  • Listen to Damien Rice. It's just gorgeous.

I'm going to do all of the above things, and maybe some other stuff too.

But whatever you get up to, remember to moisturise well. This cold wind plays havoc with your complexion.

Thursday, February 26

Yesterday, I started my diet. This is what I had:

  • Breakfast: a banana, raspberry and soy smoothie. Very virtuous!
  • Lunch: Spaghetti on toast. Low fat and very retro too!
  • Snacks and drinks: water, green tea, banana, two apples. Fantastic!
  • Exercise: Aerobics class. V good.
  • Dinner: Pad Thai, green curry, rice, spring rolls, half a bottle of wine, chocolate. Bugger.

Wednesday, February 25

Meepy meepy meep, meep meep meep meepy meep. Meep meep meep meep meep - meep - meep meepy meepy meepy meep.

Meep meep meep meep, meep meep!

Tuesday, February 24

Hooray, hooray, it's pancake day. Here are some recipes to inspire you.

But why are they called pancakes, when there's nothing really cakey about them at all. In fact, the muffin is far superior to the pancake, so why don't we have Muffin Day instead?

I think I will declare Muffin Day and it shall be June 15th. Then again, every day is muffin day in my house.

Here's someone else who loves cake.
McDonalds is horrendous, isn't it? This bloke ate nothing but Maccers for 30 days, then made a film about what happened to his body.

If you hate that hideous clown-perve and his obesity-causing ways, have a look at McSpotlight - they really hate the child-luring buggers.

And as I am writing this, the frequent burger-eaters in my office have just come in with dozens of the greasy things. And they've also opted to 'Go Lard' for an extra 20p. Oh, and they've got apple pies too - in case the lardburgers didn't have quite enough fat in them.

Oooo, little bit of politics on a Tuesday afternoon...
Is this your piglet? I've just phoned home and mine's safe and well.

Friday, February 20

It's the weekend. I have a tenner in my purse to last me until next Thursday. Great.

Thursday, February 19

Woe is me
Today, I think that everyone hates me. Here's why:

  • I keep forgetting to do things at work and end up looking really incompetent
  • I am sitting all on my own in a corner with no-one to talk to and I'm getting paranoid
  • I talk a load of old rubbish that no-one really wants to listen to
  • Yesterday, I saw a blind man and I didn't help him
  • I keep eating hot food in the office and everyone hates the smell of my cooking
  • I look like a fat tramp

Boo hoo, I am going home to eat Jaffa Cakes and cry.

Wednesday, February 18

It's National Chip Week. Yay!
Rik Waller
He is beautiful, in every single way. Especially with his new Bob Marley 'do'.

Watch him on Back to Reality or have hours of fun coming up with a T-shirt slogan for him.

According to his Back to Reality profile, Rik used to have a pet chameleon and he can make a chicken out of a tea towel. I think I'm in love.

Tuesday, February 17

I'm Rubbish!
I'm not very good at this blogging thing, but my new blog resolution is to write something every day, even if it just the word 'meep'.

I have just got a book delivered called Go M.A.D!, which isn't about becoming a lunatic with frizzy hair that shouts 'Cheesecake' sporadically and crumbles Hob Nobs all over the seats on the bus. It's all about giving mother earth a big old friendly squeeze, and features 'Over 500 daily ways to save the planet'. I think that today I am going to build a bat box in my garden, because bats are fab and they get rid of a lot of the nasty insects that harm your plants. I hope I get little furry bats, then I can try to tickle them while they are asleep. I think I have a lot in common with bats, because I like hanging upside down too - try the rag doll yoga move and you'll be hooked!

Wednesday, February 11

Work's a funny old business isn't it. We've just had a meeting that was full of how we can be better, bigger, stronger etc as a department, by being in a 'win-win' situation with 'opinion formers' who 'spread the message'. Bloody hell - it was like an episode of The Office gone mad!

I don't think I'm really cut out to work in an office (although I do get to 'blog' and look at funny websites a lot), so I am now going to channel all my cosmic energy into persuing one of the following dream careers. If you have any suggestions on what else I could do, add a comment at the bottom - you could change my life with a click of your mouse!

  • Florist
    Surrounded by flowers all day can't be bad. And imagine how many people you'd make happy every day by presenting them with bouquets
  • Primary School Teacher
    Because like the little kids, I have an attention span of about 5 minutes, and I love painting, reading, making cards and singing
  • Spider
    I could scare people I didn't like and I'd never have to shave my legs
  • Tea Shop Owner
    Because I love tea. And I would love to bring joy to other people through the medium of tea. And cake
  • A Bunny Farmer
    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkk! (When I did an awful call centre job, we had a customer who ran a bunny farm in North Wales. We used to phone him all the time, just to hear him say "Hi, you're through to the Bunny Farm", then put the phone down)
  • Tree Surgeon
    Because trees are fab and need hugging at all times

Monday, February 9

Busy Bee
Less than one week of this blogging malarkey and I'm already slacking, with not a peep out of me for almost a week.

Nice things that happened to me on the weekend:
  • I went to Cardiff market and saw some white bunnies with grey noses. I made a squeaking noise when I saw them. The woman on the pet stall looked scared
  • I found a handbag I'd forgotten I had and I bought a handbag with butterflies on for £2
  • I went out to a posh restaurant (a wedding present - and v nice too), got drunk, then went home and danced around my lounge to Belle and Sebastian
  • I bought some lovely new moisturiser from Neal's Yard and it smells like cake

Bad things that happened to me on the weekend:
  • Dave said he was thinking about buying me a bunny for Valentine's day. but now he isn't because its little poos will get stuck in the grooves in our new carpet and it will try to eat the stereo - boo!
  • I went to check when the MoT is due on the car - and it was actually due last September
  • I ordered Chinese and they didn't give me any free prawn crackers - grrrrr

Wednesday, February 4

Green Tea
I love green tea. I drink it all day long. And according to The Observer, it will make me live forever, look younger, become beautiful, have lots of babies and loads of other brilliant stuff.

I drink it from my Hello Kitty cup, which came all the way from Japan, from Unthinkable, who I don't know, but is Baby Atom's brother, and has very good taste in cups.

Here's why green tea is good:
  • It's green, like a lot of other things I like, such as frogs, trees and peas
  • It's a well-known fact that tea brings people together in times of happiness or even tragedy
  • It's full of Aunty's Oxidents, which give disease-causing nasties in your body a big biff on the nose
  • Bald vegan popstar Moby has a tea shop in New York that serves green tea (probably), therefore it must be officially kind to bunnies and officially cool

Talking of the fluffy ones, here is a lovely site about bunnies. I wonder if they like green tea? They like lettuce and that's green.

Tuesday, February 3

Warm Fuzzies
This morning, a man on the train made my day. He was so lovely and has set me up to feel all warm and fuzzy for the rest of the day.

He was about 50-odd, with a big belly, a bald head and a round smiley face - a bit like my dad. He was the Cuddly Conductor.

Cuddly Conductor is not like other train people. He spotted me sprinting up the stairs to the platform, just as the train was about to pull off. And instead of just ignoring me, like most grumpies would do, he opened the door, gave me a big grin, and told me to 'hop on' - it made me smile because I thought maybe I reminded him of a frog in my green coat.

It's the little things like that which make me feel that the world isn't such a bad place after all. And now I'm feeling all Pollyanna, and I'm going to do all of the following things to make other people feel like they've been hugged by a big load of furry kindness:

  • Smile at everyone I meet today (although may risk them thinking I am a mentalist)
  • Share my last two satsumas with my work colleague
  • Talk to all the old people in my art class, instead of ignoring them and sitting in the corner gossiping with my friend
  • Compliment people if they are wearing something nice, especially if they will let me borrow it
  • Buy a Big Issue on the way home from work (helping homeless), then recycle it after I've read it (helping Mother Earth)
  • If I had a bunny, I'd take it round to a local orphanage and let all the children have a go on it

Monday, February 2

It's Chill Out Monday! This is what I'm going to do when I get home.

  • Cook something yummy but low fat
    Only actually have some leeks and a few potatoes in the fridge, so looks like it's leek and potato soup.

  • Watch soaps
    Yes, yes, I know they suck out your brain cells, but sometimes there's nothing I like more than a cosying up on the sofa with a cup of Earl Grey and a bit of Fred Elliot (not literally, obviously - he'd smell of meat in real life).

  • Admire my new kitchen
    It's shiney and looks like ice cream.

Ooooooooooo, I'm online! Not sure what I'm doing yet, but do be patient and I'll regularly update my 'blog'.

To start with, here's a list of things I like that I could post about in the future.

  • Cakes - everything from the humble sponge to the mighty muffin
  • Lists - everyone likes a nice list
  • Bunnies - you can poke them and they squeak. Or maybe that's guinea pigs
  • 'Green' stuff - it's not easy being green, but we need to give mother earth a great big hug
  • Vegetables - tasty and full of vitamins too
  • Bubble baths - bubbly, relaxing, warm and wet
  • Water - it's great becuase you can do so many things with it. Drink it, bathe in it, swim in it, squirt your dog with it
  • Glitter - because everyone needs sparkle in their life
  • The colour pink - because it's just so... pink

I can't wait to start 'blogging'!