Wednesday, March 31

Evil Booze
I keep going out on school nights and getting drunk, having about four hours sleep, then having to face a long day in the office. It's not big and its not clever and it has to stop. Although last night, I went to an acoustic night full of beautiful boys with guitars, which is always nice.

Reasons for not drinking
  • Money - you spend loads on booze, get all generous with buying people drinks, end up having to get a taxi home, then it all gets really expensive
  • Health - drinking in excess, of course, is not good for you at all, and you will end up with a nose like the dad off The Royle Family
  • Wasted weekends - I detest waking up late, feeling crap, and doing nothing but lie on the sofa whimpering all day
  • Food - boozing makes you peckish, so you end up eating lots of crap before you go to bed, then feeling rubbish the next day and eating even more junk
  • Talking rubbish - I'm a bit shy, so drink helps me through those awkward social situations, but I talk rubbish normally, and it just gets worse when I've had a few
  • It's actually not nice - I only really like real ales, but Cardiff's full of yukky Brains pubs, so I end up drinking lager, which I don't even like

Reasons for drinking
  • Er... it's fun!

Oh dear. Think I'm becoming teetotal.

Tuesday, March 30

I don't watch a lot of TV, but I'm doing a little experiment to see if I can live without it. Last night, I got home from work, spent time cooking a lovely pasta dish for tea, then sat and read the newspaper and listening to music while I ate it.

Then I made myself a coffee, and sat in the kitchen going through my recipe books and planning what delicious grub to buy at the supermarket. This sounds like a chore, but it's one of my favourite things to do.

Next, I had a lovely long bath, with facemasks and exfoliating and pedicures and everything.

Then I covered myself in coconut body butter, got into bed, scribbled down some notes about the sitcom I am trying to write (yes, really!) and read my book for an hour. Bliss!

It's amazing what you can do when the telly's not on.
I have a big deadline at work, but it's such a lovely day, I just want to go outside and run around on top of the mountain. I'm so happy it's not cold and dark and yukky anymore.

Thursday, March 25

Here are some things you probably didn't know about Des O'Connor:

  • He eats one meal a day
  • He washes his hair twice a day
  • He owns 900 shirts

Perhaps that is the secret to eternal youth.

Tuesday, March 23

Egg Encounter
Not busy on 28-30 March? Why not attend the International Egg Commission Spring Conference? You can eat and talk about eggs for three whole days.

Eurgh! I feel sick just thinking about it. I am going to set up the EM (Eggs Ming) Society in protest. On Saturday I made a lemon tart for Mother's Day lunch, which involved me breaking nine - yes, count 'em, nine - eggs, looking at their slimy, manky, globular contents and feeling like barfgirl. Bleurgh!

If I think about eggs every time I want a muffin, perhaps I will be so repulsed by said cakey delight, that I will refuse to eat it and be super, super thin forever.

I'd be vegan if it wasn't for muffins. Or any cake really. And cheese pasties. Oh, and pizza.

Friday, March 19

Thursday, March 18

I've just run 5 km - it felt quite exhilarating at the time, but now I just feel like someone's beaten me up.
Small Horse
I've just seen a picture of a really small horse.

Monday, March 15

Household Disasters
It's funny how many accidents you can have in the home. On the weekend, I burnt my hand on the cooker (for the second time in a week), and have a huge welt on my hand - very attractive.

Then I had three DIY-related incidents. Firstly, I burnt myself on a paint stripper gun, and have a matching welt on my finger (I'm starting to think my career as a hand model is over). Then, in a comedy incident, I set fire to the stairs with it, dropped the gun in shock and burnt my knee with the bloomin' thing. I gave up the heat gun after this, and thought I'd do something safe, like sanding the doorframe. Little did I know that a huge splinter of wood was waiting to slice through my fingertip, causing much blood and a lot of pain too.

And if that wasn't enough, to top it all off, I tried to open a cake box with a knife, the knife slipped and the point stuck straight into my thumb. I think the diet god was trying to tell me something.

Anyway, I'm safely in my office today, away from DIY and cake-related disaters. Although I am on my way to legs, bums and tums in a bit, so I'd better be very careful during the speed squats.

Friday, March 12

Dirty sheep
I just saw some sheep in the snow, and against the white background, they looked really dirty.

Thursday, March 11

It's so bloomin' cold outside. I think I have got SAD, as I can't even face going up to the shop to buy Jaffa Cakes. Here are some things you can do to keep warm:

  • Make some soup out of whatever veggies are lurking in your fridge. Delicious, nutrious and warming (unless the only veg in your fridge is a manky old lettuce. In that case, you should go shopping).
  • Get into bed with lots of people that you know. Not in a pervy way, but in a nice, cuddly way. Take some wine and music with you and you can all get drunk and sing while keeping warm. I was talking about this in a taxi the other day, and the driver said he'd love to come to a party at my house. Perve.
  • Try and put on all your clothes at once. Always a winner - funny and keeps you warm too.
  • A favourite in my house - wrap a blanket around and around yourself and pretend you are a caterpillar. Or a worm, if you prefer. You need someone to help you do this, as your hands need to be inside the blanket.
  • Dance around your kitchen, while baking muffins to warm the room up. Spice Girls second album is very danceable indeed

Monday, March 8

So nice, yet so, so bad for you. Shame.
Baby Seahorses!
I had a fab weekend down in Poole, visiting my lovely friend Laura. She works at Bournemouth Oceanarium with lots of fishies, turtles and lots of other lovely underwater friends.

After going round and squeaking a lot at the baby turtles, pulling faces at the funny-looking pufferfish and getting scared of the rays, we went 'backstage' and saw some quite amazing things. In a little tank, there hundreds of baby seahorses. They were tiny, tiny, tiny little things, about the size of a grain of rice, yet perfectly formed. I loved them soooooooo much.

And we also saw baby boxfish - yellow with black spots, and the size of your thumbnail. Their tiny little fins moved so fast that you couldn't see them, so they just looked like little cubes of cheese with eyes. I loved them soooooooo much too.

Friday, March 5

Clever clogs
I am officially very clever indeed - I scored 129 in this online IQ test. I think I am going to join MENSA, shave my hair so I have a really high forehead, and wear big glasses that make my eyes look really HUGE and googly. And my friends - Tarquin and Giles - and I will sit around in our frosty Christmas jumpers, drinking port and discussing Proust, occasionally writing really long equations full of squiggles on a blackboard.

Tuesday, March 2

I'm sooooooooooo happy! The new girl that's started work in my office said she thought I was 24! Hurrah - the power of 2 litres of water a day and lots of moisturiser.

Monday, March 1

Happy St David's Day
It's St David's Day! Wear a leek on your jumper, eat Welsh cakes and sing Manic Street Preachers songs!
Le Weekend
Yesterday I decided to go shopping, not realising there were 50 billion football fans in Cardiff for the weekend. I hate football. Grrrrrr.